Ducky Diaries: 2018

Thursday, May 10, 2018

Hewooooooo , HewwwoooOoOoOoOOOOooo Anybody there.

Well, hello hello party people.  How are you? I am fine? What's keeping you sane today? Me? Oh you know.... The fact that we have 10 days of school left!!! YES 10 AS IN T-E-N DAYS LEFT!

Maybe having your kids roaming free through your household strikes fear into your heart.... As it should. However I am choosing to look on the bright side here. No alarms!!!! For 3 months! Well except for church because there is no way we would ever make it there on time without the multiple shrill tones I set my phone and old school radio alarm clock to screech at me. It takes a lot of work to get this train moving. It's true.

So... How have you been? It's been a while since we've visited. Since I've clacked my nails against the keys of my old typing board here. And the last time was a pretty depressing topic. Which is never fun to write or post, to pour your heart out and expose yourself or your feelings but sometimes it's necessary. Life isn't all laughs and jokes. It's depression, care-giver burnout, parental exhaustion, anxiety, panic, relationship bumps in the road. In short, it's messy.

I appreciate you all for staying with me the past 7 years. For hanging out and watching my family grow. For being a part of our family in many ways, experiencing what I write as if it were happening to your own children, or in your life.

I do promise to try to get back to the funny. To be more consistent. To come back to my passion which is making people laugh and feel, through my words. Life has been tough, and maybe it has been for you too, if that's the case I'm sorry, but let's get back to laughing together.

Also- I got to dress my kid's up as old people a few weeks ago and the result made me really insanely happy.... So here let me share it with you.

sidenote- Can you even believe they are about to be 5 and 7!?!?!?! Me either. I swear my vagina still hasn't gotten over the trauma.

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Saturday, February 17, 2018

The face of Mental Illness: We are not your excuse.

Where have I been? You could say, somewhere between despair and just trying to live life. I have been down, and down some more, and seemingly okay, and flitting between small glimmers of happiness and "I'm okay".  

Over the past year I have worked to claw my way to the surface of mental health. You see, I have lived through every major trauma as a child, at the hands of people who were meant to be my protectors.  I have PTSD.


-Physically abused
-Mentally abused
-Emotionally abused
-Sexually abused

I am technically an 'orphan'. 

Here's what I'm not doing:
Shooting down innocent children/people.

Here's what I am doing:
Therapy with a knowledgeable trauma counselor.
Coping strategies.
Reaching out at vulnerable times.

America, I am not your excuse.  

Please don't use me to justify heinous actions. Please don't coddle me and my broken brain by making premeditated murder seem like a cry for help. Don't use mental illness as your catch all. Don't lump the 99% of us who are not a threat to anyone but ourselves in with the 1% who wish to harm others. 

What we could do instead of blaming guns and blaming those with mental illness, is to make mental health a bigger priority in our fast paced stressful nation. We could make counseling and therapy a more affordable, easier to obtain option. We could take away the stigma. We could do more to reach out. We could offer our employees time off when needed. We could do a better job of checking in with our students and young people. We could fix the gaping holes in our welfare departments and Children Protective Services. We could do so much more for the lost. 

However...... what we're not going to do here sis, is try to make a monster into a saint. 

It's not the guns, it's the people behind them. Unfortunately.... Some people are capable of evil things simply because the evil in them is greater than the good. 

Anyone who would devise a plan, a thorough plan, with a history of violence, who has knowingly made threats, doesn't seem like someone with a mental illness to me. Sure they sound mentally disturbed but they also seem highly intelligent and capable of putting a solid plan in place to do malice. 

Those of us with actual mental health issues are having trouble doing things like getting out of bed, going to the store, facing people, quieting racing minds, breathing through a panic attack,  not taking innocent lives. 

                                            This is mental illness. This is not an excuse.
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