Ducky Diaries: Lingerie Ninja

Saturday, August 13, 2016

Lingerie Ninja

You know those days nearing the end of an American school, 3 month long summer vacation where you have decided to give up and go with whatever happens. As long as no one is dying or in need of emergency medical care? Because you cannot parent any longer. And you cannot break up one more fight or yell "SEPARATE!" one more time. Or make one more PB&J with the crusts cut off and a side of ranch (I'm not joking).
Where the necessity of talking to another adult outweighs what is going on around you, or even on you......

Don't lie. Don't you do it. We've all been there. 


*Yes that is multiple pairs of my forbidden flower covers around my neck. No I did not put them there.*

           *Friends will laugh at you. Real friends will tell you their kid is eating plastic*
*You will also give in because in a way it feels like a scalp massage so you pretend it is just that and not actually your child playing dress up with your crotch dwellers and your sand sock carriers. You momentarily will float away to the land before kids and remember that one time you spent hours getting your nails done and drinking frappuccino's. Then a bra strap will give you a nostril lift and you will fall back down to earth like a fiery rock and wonder where it all went wrong.* 
 * At some point you will begin to realize that you really need to get up but your child is insisting that you are not done at the beauty shop of horrors..... SO........ YOU'RE NOT DONE MOM! SIT DOWN OR I WILL SHRIEK LIKE A DEMON FROM THE DEPTHS OF HELL WHO HAS COME TO STEAL YOUR YOUTH AND SANITY So you continue to sit and send pictures to your friend who has a pretty appropriate response.* 

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