Ducky Diaries: June 2016

Thursday, June 30, 2016

The manliest tea party that ever tea partied

The other night Zo really wanted to have a tea party/ picnic and I would have happily obliged had I not already obliged six times. So, I told her to ask her father.

Haha Hahahaahhahaha SUCKA!

I decided to take a candid picture but I did not capture a sweet moment of father daughter tea time, I captured this:

           "Rule number 1: No dating. Ever."
 "Rule number 2: Don't do drugs. Don't even drink coffee. It's a gateway drug. Just ask your mother."
 "Seriously, your mom started with coffee, now it's the wine of the month club! Just don't do it!"

"Rule number 3: Now this is really important, before you shoot a gun, make sure the safety is off."

Bahahaha! Just kidding. Tom's just making toy food disappear.....
He does make this tea party/picnic seem like super serious business though.

Thursday, June 16, 2016

A very happy very belated birthday

 The bay-bay's had a birthday party on the 4th that I forgot to write about... In my defense I worked on that party for a total of 14 hours on that day and all the days since have pretty much been a blur.

It was probably in my opinion the best birthday party we've had to date though. Something about kids, friends, and family all over your home just gives me all the feels. That and finally having the space to host our loved ones in. 

Now on to the tear jerking.


How? What? When? Where? Why?!?!!?!?!?  As in how are they that old? What the heck do they think they're doing? When did this happen?! Where in the parent handbook did we agree to this aging nonsense? WHYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?? The why is self explanatory.

I swear, I just brought them both home from the hospital. I remember every moment. All these moments that once were so HERE and now they are the past. I'm not sure when it happened. When 'babies' became a  thing of the past. And actual growing, thinking, independent humans became our present.

Now I have a little girl asking me to paint her nails and running around singing "Rain, rain go away, come again another day" on this very rainy day. Who is so very aware of way too much. Who brightens my day with her hilarity and who keeps me on my toes with her questions.
 And I have this big boy who is answering with his actions, all those questions I had when he was a baby being poked and prodded so many years ago. A big boy who is so fierce and works so hard to accomplish what he wants to do. A big boy who won't let anyone stop him from doing exactly what he wants to do.

I've got kids. No more babies. Kids. Time goes so fast. It really is precious.

Happy belated birthday minions. I'm really glad you both found your way out of my vagina. I really like you both. A whole crap ton. 

                     p.s. Check out that super sexy 70's porn palm tree mural behind our super up to date fancy big people basement bar.....  

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Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Lawd help me!

Does anyone remember me recently, just a little bit, complaining about Bear's school not handling well, anything..... After our move? Well tonight I decided to attempt the online kindergarten registration for our new district.....

You guys, I effed up soooooo bad! Like I totally biffed it! And I submitted it. So now the forms all like "HAHAHAHA NO TAKE BACKS IDIOT!" And I'm all like "OMGGGGGG NOoOOOoooPooooo AAArrrrrrrggggghhhhhhh eeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeee!!!!".

And then I may or may not have cried. Spoiler, I did. 

The school is going to open Bear's registration in August and be all, "Awwww hell nah, he can't come here! Look how stupid his mom is! Nope! Denied."

In retrospect, I dunno, maybe we should have moved sooner or later than we did because I dunno.... I had this idea in my head that someone would help me with this entire process or at least tell me how the hell to start. Instead what actually happened went a little something like this;

Me standing there on the last day of school holding a big ass binder of I.E.P. b.s. and a report card.


Me-"WAIT...... WHAT?! (mouthing) "WHAT THE F#CK, what the f#ck?" Wait! I know not what I do! Halp! ABORT MISSION ABORT. THE. F#CKING. MISSION.".

Good times.

I keep trying to explain to people that just because I manage to keep my kids alive does not make me actual adult status, but everyone's like "You're good, you got this!", but..... I don't.

I can keep a houseplant alive but that does not mean you should let me loose in the rain forest! I'll die! I need an instruction manual!
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