Ducky Diaries: 2016

Saturday, December 17, 2016

Some changes are amiss

Hey! Hey! Hey!

If you’ve been peeking around the past few days you may have noticed that some changes are occurring, or you may be like “Whut chages, I don’t like changes?”. Either way I am doing some thangs here in Ducky Land.

Namely if you look at the header you’ll see some old comforts (mom&pop blogs and Exceptionally special) are gone and replaced with things like “Privacy policy” and “Disclosure agreement”.  These things affect you, my readers.  They are good things. I promise. You should read those, like now, or tomorrow, but now-ish. 
and here: Privacy policy
If you have been with me for the long haul we’re talking 6 years just about. That’s a long time. Thank you! I love you! If you are new to my blog then you still want these things because my blog as everyone knows it is about to change.

Originally this blog was a place for my new mom rants, and that was it. Now my wheels are turning and I’m realizing that I would like to see where this goes (can I become a real writer, Oh can I Mister Geppetto?). Also, I really would love to do reviews of products we parents (and special needs parents) use or are thinking about using. Also not to get gross but guys, buying diapers for a five year old ain’t cheap (true story).  And hey- How about a giveaway! Free photo-book for you Suzie Q! Look ma, I’m Oprah! (Kidding, I’m not) (but wouldn't it be awesome if I was?!) 
What if I can write a sponsored post or two and you my reader get the freebies and or deals associated with that?

Well, this is where my Disclosure and privacy policy come into play because you my reader have the right to be protected if you give me personal information ( like an address, name, phone number, e-mail address). You want that protection. You should also know when I have been given something for free so that you can make a clear decision on whether that $20 leak proof sippy is really a good idea ($20 dollar bottles of wine on the other hand are always a good idea.). 

So let’s get down to the brass.

The Federal Trade Commission requires all of this.  And now that I want to change the path of my blog from ‘just for fun’ to’ can I possibly earn some ice-cream money’, I need to do this both for legal and honest purposes.
So again this all means that you my readers may start to see ads on the side column and below posts, sponsored posts (which I will ALWAYS specify as sponsored) possibly a new easier to read mobile layout (We're ALL tired of ZOOMING in to the desktop layout on our phones even me! Get with the times girl!).
 Perhaps a more streamlined blog. Maybe I'll do away with the gawdy humping rubber ducks. I haven’t made up my mind on all these things but essentially we may be about to start the party up in here!

However, just so we’re clear. I will not change nor will my posts. I’m still going to be whatever it is that you think I am. And I sincerely hope you’ll stay. I would love your opinions on all of this, so shoot me a comment at the bottom of this post.

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Thursday, December 15, 2016

"Where's my sheepherder" part 2

#Wheresmysheepherder2016 is still in full effect.  I'm starting to feel a little crazy. Like did I ever have a sheep herder? The only remnants are his sheeple..... So he had to be real right?!

Must stay strong. Get it together girl! Breathe woman!

Tom is still laughing at me because "WHY NOT CALL IT A SHEPHERD?!".

Barret is still prime suspect after I cleaned the kids rooms. I had real high hopes that Zo would become numero uno when I walked into her hoard room.

I mean, look at this

But unfortunately after many head shake's, WTF's, and an hour of my time #Wheresmysheepherder2016 is still going strong.

I did find some random and weird stuff though which has led me to honestly be worried about this girl.
                                                                * Car with no tires*
                                                                *Car tires in a tea pot*

                                                           *Thimble* A Thimble? WTF?*
                                                                *Tom's broken watch*
*Other random stuff that isn't hers. Like Bear's turkey thing he made at school that I sat on the table and then couldn't find. *
*and the lone puzzle piece we couldn't find which resulted in us throwing away a perfectly nice puzzle rather than donating it!*

Dear A&E if you ever decided to revamp and or continue Hoarders I've got ideas.  We'll call it "BABY HOARDERS" A show about hoarders who are 2-5 years old. Not to be confused with a show about people who hoard babies, which honestly would also be an awesome show. Let's make both. Call my people. 
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Sunday, December 11, 2016

"Where's my sheepherder?"

Friday I lugged out my Nativity scene and set it up like the good Baby Jesus fearing person I am. Full of good intentions and "Merry Christmas birthday B.J." spirit. Only to walk past it an hour later and realize someone was missing.

My sheepherder was gone.

"Okay where is my sheep herder?" I thought to myself.  I looked around the desk. I looked on the floor.
I turned to the kids at the dining room table.
"Hey guys has anyone seen my sheep herder? The little man with the sheep on his shoulders? He's very important. Does anyone know where he is."

Bear adamantly shakes his head "no" while Zo goes into her spiel. "No mommy I don't know I didn't do it...... I'm just tired."

*aha!* That's her lie sentence!
"Zo, where is my sheep herder? It's really important you give it back to me. I want my sheep herder."

She does not break however despite her solid resolve She is quickly becoming TOP suspect!

*laughing from living room* It's Tom. 
"What are you laughing at?" 
"What? Why?"
"You're funny. You keep yelling "I want my sheep herder"."
"Yea. So?"
"Why not call it a shepherd like a normal person? Why do you put that thing out every year? A piece goes missing every time. You think you would have learned by now."

I love my sheep herder so screw him. Secondly he has a point but our kids know better by now...... Well actually all but one....

(hey guys remember him? He was so smol now he is so big!)
So now I turn my attention to this big beastly 5 month old mutt pup.

"Barret! Where is mommy's sheep herder?"
I got a decent head tilt but nothing else.

All is lost woe is me. This is surely blasphemy of some sort. Like that time last year when Baby Jesus (B.J.) and Mary went missing except I later found them in the back of a dirty push car full of crumbs.

I will continue my search.

******Update Sunday morning******

I have staggered across a lone sheep which has seemingly been batted into the shoe closet under the gap.

Barret is now prime suspect.

If you like what you just read please click to send a quick vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs- The best mommy blog directory featuring top mom bloggers Don't forget to check out our "Exceptionally Special" page and "Tot Spot" for tips, tricks, and tidbits for the kiddos.

Friday, December 9, 2016

Emergency Shmergency

  Sunday we went to my aunt and uncle's tree farm to pick out our Christmas tree and spend the day with family. We picked out a gorgeous tree. Ate snacks after making our tree selection. browsed the store. Then we went to my aunt & uncles house where I drank a few glasses of wine and loudly yell-talked with my cousin and then  we all had delicious homemade chili.

Well...... Everyone except Bear who was complaining of a stomach ache and refusing to eat. Which wasn't concerning because the kid hates any type of food that you actually have to put effort into preparing. So I sent him to watch cartoons while the rest of us ate not thinking too much of it.

Fast forward to midnight, Bear woke up crying and inconsolable. Now I'm thinking something is up. He's pointing to his belly button.  I figured he had to be hungry he hadn't had a full meal since breakfast but he refused anything I offered. I gave him Ibuprophen and a drink and he went back to sleep around 2:30 a.m.

8:00 a.m. we're getting up and getting ready for school and Bear is still pointing directly below his belly button and is still refusing food, so I know something really serious is up and I'm thinking his unholy little appendix has housed all the dirt and crud it can take after 5 years..........
 Off to the E.R.

** A fun little story also commercial break**
The one and only other time Bear has ever been to the E.R. was also for stomach pain and Tom took him in. Bear took two of the most expensive craps we've ever paid for and was sent home with a diagnosis of explosive diarrhea.
** See wasn't that fun?**

Which to be honest , in my mind, is exactly what I was thinking was going to happen this time, but it didn't.  He was admitted with an extremely high white blood cell count. Everyone thought (like me) that this could potentially be appendicitis.

However one CT with contrast dye later said it wasn't his appendix but that he was full of poo.  Then there was the thought of Strep because *tada* all the symptoms fit, but the rapid strep test said no. And then there was pneumonia , but the chest x-ray said no.  And then we were left with "probably virus but we don't know and he can't go home, if it was Strep that would explain everything but it's not."   (stick with me, it gets good) (List of more fun facts: I shared with the Dr. that Bear had had strep back in October followed by and URI in November, followed by continual coughing up to 2 weeks prior to hospitalization) So still NOT confident that it isn't appendicitis despite a clear CT they label him NPO (my baby was starving to death- slight over- exaggeration ) until superrrrr early Tuesday morning.

Just another Manic Monday, amirite?!?

Fast Forward to Tuesday morning around 9:30 a.m. I get to the hospital (Tom stayed overnights, I stayed 9a.m.-10p.m.) and take one look at Bear (who's still miserable) and say "hey guys he has a rash all over his body (literally red spots all over his body) and he's tugging at his ear.".  So Dr. says "viral rash! he'll be home by lunch!". And they check his ear and there's pus so he gets started on antibiotics. He eats a ton of food, I'm hopeful because he's smiling although he still looks like crap. I take a pic for Facebook, yada yada.
  Lunch comes and goes and we're not going home. His second blood draw comes back and his WBC is still high. So we're definitely not going anywhere.  At this point I get a little loud and am borderline yelling asking what is wrong with my kid and why can I not take him home if this "is just a virus".  I receive no conclusive answers because no one has any. My son looks like crap. I'm scared.

Wednesday- sally the camel has 3 humps- get it because it's hump day?!?!?!? Hahahahah.... ha. ..... ha

Bear was given a laxative and pooped early Wednesday morning (he wasn't pooping, fun fact), he was eating, drinking, looking better, not 100% but much better, he slept alllll the way through the night.  So new doc says "take him home".  Bear hearing that attempts to remove his own IV and get out of bed. He smiles all the way out of the hospital and all the way home. Everyone is happy.

We still don't know what the heck happened but whatev's.......  

4:30 p.m. New Doc calls,  "His rapid strep test was negative, correct?".  Me- "Correct".  New Doc- "The lab just called me with the results that his culture is growing strep."  Me- *laughing* "You've got to be kidding me......".
New Doc " Exactly, so continue him on his antibiotics and the one will cover both the ear infection and the strep.

Moral of the story, false negatives with eff your life up man. Also stay away from things labeled "Rapid". They're liars.
                                                                 *Very sick  Bear*
                                                               *Feeling better Bear* 

 photo cooltext1292211702_zpsc9a335dc.png If you like what you just read please click to send a quick vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs- The best mommy blog directory featuring top mom bloggers Don't forget to check out our "Exceptionally Special" page and "Tot Spot" for tips, tricks, and tidbits for the kiddos.

Saturday, December 3, 2016

Gone Girl, not like the book.

September 28th, 2016.

That is the last time I touched my blog. The last time I wasn't pretending to be funny or genuinely happy. The last time I wasn't forcing a smile or drinking a glass of wine to achieve it.

 Usually I prattle on about being super busy and yada yada yada when I've dipped for months but...... The truth is, most of the time when I disappear either metaphorically or literally it's because of my mental illness.

 My anxiety disorder: it changes shapes and costumes every few years but its song and dance are always the same. It's the friend that really isn't a friend but I've known them so long I can't get away from. As I like to call it "My Dark Passenger", you know, from Dexter, because it's always there just beneath the surface and then, BAM , it threatens to take me under unless I give in.
 Except, a lot less serial killer-ish, because I'm not a serial killer, and my anxiety doesn't turn me into a serial killer..... Wow, I sound convincing. Like, hey come to my Holiday party, I won't kill you, I promise. HAHAHAHAHH...... No? Not funny?  

Okay so to be clear, not a serial killer just mentally ill, but not in a serial killer way.  Super convincing Ducky, smooth.

I am legitimately anxious though, and obsessive, like a lot. Even right now. When I drive I think about an accident resulting in the death of myself, or my children. Yesterday while outside with Zo I had a thought of dying from something instantaneous and her being left outside to wander in the cold and who would pick Bear up from school and OH MY GAWD GET INSIDE AND PUT HER IN A BUBBLE WITH FOOD JUST IN CASE! 
Or the hour before Tom comes home I start worrying that he won't come home.....   And my heart starts racing.  Or you read a blog post about a mom that ran into oncoming traffic during a panic attack and killed herself. And then you start freaking out because you realize that this crap isn't a joke, it's not harmless, you're just so used to living with it that you think you can handle it, when maybe you can't. Not alone. Not when it's this bad and this heavy, because it really could swallow you whole.

This is what it's like to live with intrusive thoughts. It's not fun, not even a little bit, and you the person dealing with them knows they are not rational thoughts and that most people do not think or live this way.  And it's super un-helpful when well meaning people tell you to not think that way or to "just stop being anxious and choose to be happy.", because yes, all those that suffer and battle their own minds everyday are a bunch of over dramatic fakers who need to chill out.
(We absolutely love our muscles being a matted ball of tension, our necks aching from the strain, our rapid heartbeats, racing thoughts, being irritable and snapping at everyone, not feeling happy, and getting to the point where you either feel numb or panicky. )  

But it's getting better, I'm getting better. I haven't woken up having a panic attack in a few weeks. I'm still not sleeping through any night (haven't since vacation) but not having panic attacks at 3 a.m. every morning and running up and down my driveway in a leopard print robe freaking out is a start.  

Side-note * I try to rehearse what I would say to the police officer in the event that someone were to call and report the crazy lady running around our property at 4 in the morning. So far I've come up with just telling the truth but honestly that looks super sketchy and I'll be tossed in a holding cell, so if you ever get a call from me at like 5 a.m. , pick up, I'm in jail because of a panic attack. 

So yea, been a real fun few months living in anxiety world. The rides all suck, the food is bad, and I want to go home but this is what happens when we don't take care of ourselves emotionally and physically. This is what happens when our stress levels get too high. We crash and spiral into Anxiety World. This is what happens when we take on too much without help.
 photo cooltext1292211702_zpsc9a335dc.png If you like what you just read please click to send a quick vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs- The best mommy blog directory featuring top mom bloggers Don't forget to check out our "Exceptionally Special" page and "Tot Spot" for tips, tricks, and tidbits for the kiddos.

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

And then there were 5

 About two years ago we decided our baby days were done for good. No more babies......

Well except for one. We hadn't met him yet but we planned to adopt one more addition.

With four legs and fur.

A fur baby.

Tom and I had been talking about a German Shepherd pup or even a German Shepherd mix for a long time (approximately 5 years).

Imagine my surprise when 12 hours after being home from vacation I decided to place a call to our local humane society on hopes and dreams, not expecting anything and they in fact had a 4 month old shepherd recently returned after a week long adoption......

And that he was on his way to the local petsmart for their adoptathon....

We literally jumped into the car and took off. I hadn't even unpacked from our trip.

Our family was there waiting to meet our potential fur baby for about 40 minutes before he arrived.  When he finally did arrive and I saw him, I was done.  He was actually a 2.5 month old German Shepherd/ Boxer mix and way too dang adorable.

 He was so adorable and so full of kisses for us. At that moment we knew he was ours.

As for being returned after a week of adoption I look at it as this other family was basically just holding onto him for us while we were on vacation.

The reason he was returned was that he was 'too energetic with their kids'.  And yes, very much so, I agree, he is a lot. Not just because he is a puppy but because that is the very nature of his two breeds colliding and creating this spit fire of a canine. -Which is why (I'm going to segue nicely here) you should familiarize yourself with the breed of dog if you ever choose to home a pupper.

So now we're stuck with this needy, loyal, loving, energetic mutt and I love it (being stuck and the dog).

My sweet Barret (yes the guy from Final Fantasy);
                                                              *Happy Adoption Day*
                                           Look at THAT flop-a-licious ear! LOOK AT IT!

                                                             He has a real 'ruff' life here.
                                                               Lookie at dis babay!!!!

                                             Baby Barret's first bath. Awwwwwww!

                                       This next installation is known as 'Barret in trouble'.
                                                                 "Whut I do mom?"
                                                       "If I don't look I'm not in trouble."
              "I don't know what you mean by 'you know I'm listening because my ear is perked up."
                                                           "It was just a love nibble......."

 photo cooltext1292211702_zpsc9a335dc.png If you like what you just read please click to send a quick vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs- The best mommy blog directory featuring top mom bloggers Don't forget to check out our "Exceptionally Special" page and "Tot Spot" for tips, tricks, and tidbits for the kiddos.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Vacation Station; a trip to remember.

 So........ We just got home a few days ago from our trip to the Outer Banks and it was amazing. 

Nothing gets you to slow down quite the way an ocean view does. However I will say that super markets are the devil and one packed to the brim with tourists and vacationers is the absolute worst.

Packed super markets aside, our trip was lovely, and beautiful with  many memories captured. We had the privilege of going for an entire week with my mother in law, and I mean that in the most sincere way without any *eye roll* sarcasm "my mother in law" tone. My M.I.L. is pretty kick @ss.

So to continue,  the outer banks were one of her and my late father in law's favorite places. My father in law loved fishing the way I love chocolate cake, which you know is a serious love. Whooooo and that man could fish..... And fish.......  And fish........ For hours. This I know as fact through experience and stories. The only thing he loved more than fishing was his wife, who had to deal with his insane love for fishing.

This trip was for her. Her closure. Her peace. Her memories. And she invited us bunch of crazies, why I do not know, because again, we are crazy and sometimes chaotic, and cranky. 
The entire trip was a fine balance between beach lounging, shopping, and food, at least I think so. Then on the last full day my mother in law and husband were able to find a quiet moment to release some of my father in law's ashes off the pier so that he may be in the ocean free to roam, where-ever the tide takes him, in search of his mermaids (he once hooked a girl and asked my mother in law if he could keep said mermaid. She made him throw her back.). True story and always funny.

Later that evening we were graced with this huge rainbow over the ocean peeking out from a storm, you could make out so much of the ark, and there was this white beam of sunlight pointing from the ocean to the rainbow.
 I like to think that was him telling my mother in law that he was happy and loves her.  

There were so many moments where I just kind of stopped and felt the intensity of what this trip meant to my mother in law and to us as well. There was something so touching to watch my husband and kids wearing papa's hat throughout our various day trips. It was beautiful to think he was there in some form with us.

At one point a man walking up the stairs from the beach prompted Zo to yell "PAPA! There's my papa!". It wasn't though.  My heart took a hit on that one thinking back to the moments where she would beg to see him and ask where he was after his passing. Even Tom was taken aback and he isn't fazed by much.
That was hard. As someone who grew up not fully understanding the family dynamic, my father in law was the kind of man you envision being the grandfather to your children. He was the papa who gave our 2 year old so much ice cream that he later came home and puked, which caused us to go nearly hysterical before picking up the phone and finding out that yes, papa, gave a child an adult sized bowl of ice cream. He hid treats in his shirt pocket. He once gifted our son with a stuffed fair monkey that was so HUGE I just stared at him like he was crazy, because where the hell was I going to stick that thing?!  He rocked and soothed our banshee baby like no one's business. He could get her to sleep within minutes, something I still haven't mastered. He was so calm but he had the most perverted jokes, that made you laugh and blush at the same time. You always felt safe with him around. He really was just an all around awesome person.  I really wish my babies had more time with him as their grandfather. That we all had more time with him.

 I am so grateful that amidst the sadness there were so many beautiful moments captured on this vacation.That even through loss we can go forward and leave a little of him in his favorite places.

Okay, now that I got way too sappy, how about some pictures while I ugly cry.

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 If you like what you just read please click to send a quick vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs- The best mommy blog directory featuring top mom bloggers Don't forget to check out our "Exceptionally Special" page and "Tot Spot" for tips, tricks, and tidbits for the kiddos.