Ducky Diaries: September 2015

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

The man under the stairs

Dear customer service workers (or anyone in direct contact with people),

Moms don't really hate you. I promise. I mean, we sort of do, sometimes. Like when our kids are sick and we're schlepping them all over town for appointments and prescriptions, but we really don't.hate.you.

We just hate your face. At that moment. And your questions. And your slow walk. And anything you're doing that delays us from a speedy return home, where our crazy is allowed and pants are optional.

You see, when you have only one child and they are sick longer than a week you start to go a little nutty. Your sleep deprivation is hitting a peek that newborn night wakings can't touch. There's no bottle or boob that really truly soothes a sick child for long. 

However the benefit of having only one child is that it allows you to consider how you look and act in public because you still care about how you're perceived. So you're able to pull that polite smile from the depth of your being.....

But, throw in another kid, maybe pop a few more out. This is when shit literally hits the fan. The train automatically derails the moment the second spawn walks out of you.
You may think to yourself (in moments of innocent ignorance);

"This ain't my first Ro-Day-O!", am I right?!

WRONG!

Multiple kids sick at the same time is a hell you will not come back from. Throw in 3-4 weeks of this type of hell and BOOM!, you're gone. Your brain has left the building. Sleep, it ain't happening. When one beast finally falls, the other is awake, crying, coughing, sneezing, snotting, demanding allllll the things including your love, which flew out the window 3 vomits ago. It's a rotation of human torture....

And then there are moments when you panic because you can't find your kids. Yes, the very one's yanking at your pant leg for some thing. 

Or the moment when you're coming up the basement stairs (because laundry still needs done) and you damn near fall back down them because your water heater suddenly turned into a man standing under said stairs...... 

*Note to self*
At these times it should be a legal obligation for someone to come to your house, wrap you in a snuggie, and toss you in bed. While they take care of your kids for 12 hours, of course.

But throw in yourself as one of the sicks, and you're screwed....

SCREWED. 

THEN YOU GOTTA GO OUT IN PUBLIC! And subject innocent bystanders to this shit that is your life!!!!????

God, why you so cruel???!!

So,
Dear customer service peoples, I don't hate you. I just haven't slept in 3 weeks. And you as the receptionist on the phone making me wait to check out at the Dr.s office where I've just spent 3 hours shoved into a room the size of a cubicle,with 2 germ spewing rug rats are NOT my friend.
While my sick minions eat tissues and throw tantrums, I'm kind of thinking about how your head would look mounted on my wall. 

And you..... Drive thru pharmacist..... It's a DRIVE-THRU!!! I'm supposed to just DRIVE THRUUUUUUUUUU. Like a drive by where nobody dies and I throw out ice cream, but you might die... Or get screamed at because I turned my car off after 15 minutes and have had to endure snot filled screams of agony for over 20 minutes. 

You are the worst today. You're holding the drugs my kids need. I NEED. I need them so that they may feel better soon and may, in turn sleep, which may in turn help me not want to chew your face off. 

So, in conclusion, 

Dear customer service people mom's don't hate you. They just are not in their right minds when caring for ill offspring. Please forgive us all. 

Sincerely,
The mom who almost went full Zombie on your ass.

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Parenthood: A series of unfortunate events

 It's TA-TA-TA-TUESDAY!!!!!   
 You know what that means.

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Monday, September 14, 2015

School Drop-off blues

 Once upon a time I lived in the glorious land of bus pick-up and drop-off, but then an evil came upon the land and placed a spell so devious on the town of Quackson,  which states, from now until that which came goes away again I shall ride in my carriage to deliver thine precious offspring to and fro his enchanted kingdom of learning.....

 Otherwise known as "I used to have a pretty sweet set-up. Ship Bear off to school at 8:00 a.m. and then meet him at the bus stop at 4:00 p.m."  Much cleaning and rearing of the little one was done. And nay I say a little trashy television viewing at nap time.

Then last week Bear's bus driver pulled up to our drive-way looking a bit out of sorts and relayed a tale about him scooching so far down in his wheel chair that he just about hung himself with his harness straps.....

So yea.  Now I'm schlepping a total of 2 hours a day to and from his school as his personal chauffeur.
I have to put on pants!  THE INJUSTICE!!!  I have to take my coffee to go! THE INJUSTICE, I SAY!!!

At least until we can get something to attach to his seat that will prevent him from attempting to injure himself on the bus again. And I thought that would be pretty simple until the place in which we bought his chair originally, informed me today, that "oh it is not  really that simple" .
Apparently there's a lot of things we have to do to get this all fixed and squared away. So. Awesome. 

I am just thrilled.......

But thankfully he did not injure himself and obviously I would rather drive him than place him into a situation where his orneriness can and will injure him.

But. But. But. PANTS!!!  I HAVE TO WEAR ACTUAL PANTS!

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I wish to conclude this with a word of advice to our young people, a warning really....

Don't have kids. They're great, but they do stupid things often. And then you have to drive them to school.

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Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Parenthood: A series of unfortunate events

 Yay! It's TUESDAY!

Which means!!?!?!?!?!?!    

                               Parenthood: A series of unfortunate events.....


 

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Friday, September 4, 2015

Closing up shop

OH MY GOD BECKY!!!!  LOOK AT HER POST!!!  Twice in one week!  Stella's getting her writing groove back!
 
Anyhow, last week I sent everything but the children's coming home outfits into the abyss.  I boxed it all up, literally not shedding a single tear. I kept a select few items (booties, hats, etc..) that I absolutely could not part with, but otherwise, I was all "WALK THE PLANK YE VARMIT!".....

Well, I sold the big items and gave the rest away which = the abyss,never to be seen by thine eyes again.

So that's it. Finito. Done. Shop is CLOSED! No more humans coming forth from my body. Which is a really freeing and at the same time sad and weird feeling.  My youngest is a toddler. She's out of diapers and doesn't shut up, ever. So pretty much I can send her out to get a job at this point. (LOL I wish!)

Mostly, my kids are just that, kids. Not babies. Not ever again.

D.I.C. and I have been going back and forth for probably the better part of a year. We would both say we were done, but then no major decisions would be made. I think mostly we were both done, but not quite ready to be 100 %. So "TO THREE OR NOT TO THREE" became the mantra around here. Especially with age, mine and the children. We like them to be close in age, and I am turning 31 this year. I'm way more tired than I was 5 years ago at the start of this creating humans journey. And I'm not quite sure my body could handle another pregnancy 14 months after the last.

Did you know that last Christmas was the first time I wasn't pregnant or taking care of a 6th month old?!?!?!??  It has been glorious!

At this point we're more than okay with our decision and ready to make it permanent. Both D.I.C. and I just know, we're done. Our family is complete. The level of daily chaos we're submersed in is all we can take for the next 20 years......  

I've been through every feeling imaginable at this point, which I think is normal.

I've noticed that there are pretty much 3 different categories in this phase of life for most people.

1.) You're totally okay with being completely done. Jumping for joy, actually.Handing your uterus to the nearest stranger and telling them to "go nuts!".

2.)You're mostly okay with being done, but you wouldn't freak out if there was an accident or the procedure didn't take. 

3.) You think you're okay but you start sobbing every time you see a baby, or walk by the baby section in the store.

 I think I at first was lingering between #1 and #2 but now I'm mostly just #1.  Once the decision is more 'permanent' I'll probably sway between #2 and #3 for a few days.

But for now, I'm just really okay with being done creating other humans.  Maybe if we were more like horses and they just walked from the get go, I'd like more, but, newborns, with all their amazing squish, scent, and neediness, are well, extremely needy.  And everybody is getting at least 5 hours of sleep a night at this point, so, I don't want to screw that up.

                           *The only person who even remotely cares about the baby things purge*


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Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Parenthood: A series of unfortunate events

 Welcome to my new Tuesday installment! 

Also- HELLO SEPTEMBER! P.s. if you're looking for Pumpkin Spice anything this is not the place for you.....


*Parenthood: A series of unfortunate events*


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In an effort to put stuffs on this here blog more often I will be here every Tuesday making veteran parents laugh and newbies run......  

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