Ducky Diaries: The Playground

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

The Playground

At some point whatever god you believe in, along with man came up with a creation so glorious it saved our mentally frayed, child rearing brains.
 
We call it The Playground.....
 
Its sorcery coerces our spawn to leave us alone in increments that cannot be measured by time but by the needs of our sanity.
 
We show our thanks by wearily dropping our children, shooing them away, and then staring into space or at each other.
 
And that's how I realized The Playground is like this big majestic watering hole that brings together a wide variety of parental species.
 
Just look around you.
 
You're sure to see the following mammals:
 
-The Yoga mom
You can't miss her. She's flitting about in her workout gear like a speedy little hummingbird with the energy of a sugar fed child. She's also really good at making us feel like slackers in our knee length shorts, ratty t-shirts, and mom buns.
And she's there to walk the trails. Go ahead, loathe her while you want to be her.
 
-The Yoga pants mom
This woman is not to be confused with the Yoga mom. She's only wearing her yoga pants because they're comfortable. And they give off the illusion of working out, thus having her stuff together. She probably slept in them the night before.
Don't judge her too harshly, we've all been The Yoga pants mom.
 
-The chit chat coffee moms
They're together. Usually a group of 2-4 making the rest of us feel like the losers we were in 9th grade. Sipping something from a coffee mug or thermos while sitting on a bench or standing near the equipment ( My bet, it isn't coffee if you know what I mean.). Their kids are running in a pack because"The chit chat coffee moms" are always together and will inevitably become "The soccer/football/cheerleading/gymnastics moms".
 
-The Do your thing mom
Her kids are playing in a suspiciously wet sandbox covered head to toe in mud. It could be leftover rain water or urine.  "The Do your thing mom" does not care. As long as she's left alone for 10 uninterrupted minutes and no one is bleeding. This mom has zero f*cks left to give today. You find yourself slightly afraid and also wanting to be her friend. This is normal.
 
-The Helicopter mom
She hasn't sat down once because she's terrified Jr.s going to break a leg just by walking. You can see hand sanitizer dangling from her keys. Give her time, she'll change into "The Do your thing mom" after the second kid.
 
-The 'You're okay' mom
You hear her repeatedly yelling "You're okay!" every time her dare-devil children holler an "oww" or "mom". She's a distant cousin of "The do your thing mom". She's got her phone or a book and isn't leaving unless there's a significant amount of bloodshed.
 
-The Photog mom
You have no idea what her face looks like because it's hidden behind a camera. Her child is dressed like royalty and looks like an angel. "The Photog mom" turns The Playground into a photo shoot. You can't recall seeing her kid actually playing.
 
-The Dad
Whether he is a seasoned veteran SAHD or just getting the kids off mom's back, he always looks out of his element. The only hotdog at a hamburger stand.  He's also the one running across The Playground to get to his princess before she leaps from the top of the spiral slide while screaming at his other spawn to not move.
Newsflash, the not moving spawn just peed themselves.
 
-The Grandparents
They show up with an ice cream covered cherub. Their pockets are stuffed with gummy worms and ice cream shoppe napkins. They try to keep up with the kiddos until retiring in front of the slide or sandbox on a bench in the shade while they cheer the sticky choco monsters on.
 
Ah, The Playground. It's the equivalent of a football half time. It's where we as parents go to take a moment. Refresh. And prepare ourselves to jump back into the game when it's time to leave. We're all there for the same reason. To hopefully expel our offsprings never ending kid-ness (totally a word). Even if we all look differently while doing so.