Ducky Diaries: November 2014

Friday, November 28, 2014

I know what I'm thankful for

What started out as a blind date has become a full blown family of four.

My husband drives me batty, yet somehow I still love him (even after he steals the covers on a cold night.).   He is the one person I can genuinely see forever with. 

One of our children has special needs and the other child is all the needy. We love them without hesitation. The only time either of us thinks of committing ourselves is during their fights and fits, which is where I chalk it up to a win and call it a day.  

Bear has come so far. He can sit independently, crawl, maneuver his wheel chair on his own, and uses sign language. All of which are things he could not do even just 2 years ago. 

Zo is a complete Diva. She can speak using sentences, is working on her ABC's (All the letters are B's and E's), twirls like no tomorrow, calls me Daddy, and loves to dance.

I'm not as skinny as I once was, but that's okay. It's a small price to pay for eating delicious foods and drinking the occasional wines. And I'm thankful for the changes my body made to accommodate the growing of my wee ones.

We have come so far, this little family of mine.

And if this is what I have to look back on every year I'll take it because I am ever so thankful.


 
Happy national leftover day!


 photo cooltext1292211702_zpsc9a335dc.png If you like what you just read please click to send a quick vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs- The best mommy blog directory featuring top mom bloggers Don't forget to check out our "Exceptionally Special" page and "Tot Spot" for tips, tricks, and tidbits for the kiddos.

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Answers edition: Why do my friends with disabled children never leave the house?

What a perfect title for today's blog, especially since I haven't written a single thing in over a month! 

Reclusive friends, relatives, who have children with disabilities. "Why do they never leave the house and or come to things I invite them to?" 

I know at times it can feel like an attack or an all out un-caring attitude, or that we just don't want to be around you. However, I can mostly assure you that this is not the case (I can't speak for everyone).....

There is a decision making process that comes along with every trip we plan and every outing we attend, and I'd like to break it down for you, in hopes that you, my friends know we really do love you.  And like the post date text, "It's not you, It's us.", it's really true.

So without further ado, here we go:

-"Is the amount of physical work I have to do to make this trip possible worth the amount of physical work I have to do to make this trip possible?" 

Basically the equation goes like this, ab x's yz squared / 13 = NO!

The mass of things you have to drag along for children is astounding when en route to an outing. Throw in wheel chairs, walkers, gait trainers, braces, adaptive equipment and or gear, adaptive eating utensils, tube feedings, oxygen tanks,  and any number of things needed to accommodate a special needs darling and well, it's just sometimes a whole lot easier to stay home.  That's just the truth.  Plain and simple.

-"Is this outing not only welcoming of special needs children, but accommodating? Will there be activities for my child?"

Basically speaking, is my kid going to be stuck in his wheel chair the entire time, staring as all the other children are running, dancing, climbing, jumping and or playing games that involve and require full body movement. 

-Will there be other special needs children and how many children in general are going to be present?"

This. This question has a more complicated answer.... 

Will there be other children, like my child? Someone he has the potential to relate to and bond with. Often times there aren't and we are brought to the next question.  How many other children are expected to be there, that we don't know. 

Because unfortunately , every child that doesn't know my child will have at least three moments of pointing, whispering, or just flat out asking me as many questions as they can, rather than asking my son.  Which yes, I understand, children are inquisitive. It is natural.  And it's embarrassing for you as the other mother, because, how do you answer?

Here's what you don't understand. My son is fully aware of your precious buttercup and the scene they are causing. He is fully aware of everything that is being said and asked about him. And quite frankly I can only explain, to your child that sometimes things happen and babies are born with boo boos in their head and that it hurts their legs, so many times. 

Roughly around the fourth time your precious buttercup circles around us like a hungry shark pointing and asking their millionth question while you chat up another mom, and when all I want to do is exert the physical energy needed to help my child play, I get dangerously close to yanking precious buttercup by the arm and furiously telling them to get lost. 

Sorry, that's just the truth.  It's not my place to teach your child. The first and second question are always welcome, anything after that my child starts getting upset as, do I.  Again, I'm sure it's not comfortable for you as the other mom, but it's not comfortable for me either.

And lastly, for us,

-"Will there be things, sounds, sights, feels, that will send my child into overdrive and result in a meltdown? If so is there a place I can take my child to calm them down?

Again this really falls into the accommodation zone. What accommodations are made for children like mine? Is this trip worth the possible physical anguish my child will endure if they accidentally touch play-doh?

And there you have it. Some of the many reasons why parents of special needs children opt more times than not to stay home. Home is where we have some semblance of control. Where the environment has been carefully tuned for our children. Where we don't have to answer questions or stare into the eyes of our sad confused child when other's won't or refuse to play with them. 

No one alienates our children in their own home. Home is safe. That's why we stay. 


 photo cooltext1292211702_zpsc9a335dc.png If you like what you just read please click to send a quick vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs- The best mommy blog directory featuring top mom bloggers Don't forget to check out our "Exceptionally Special" page and "Tot Spot" for tips, tricks, and tidbits for the kiddos.