Ducky Diaries: July 2014

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Bear's New Wheels

I'm sure a lot of people have noticed the lack of blogs being posted  the last few months. 

Truth is, I was having a hard time coming up with happy, positive posts. 

We have been essentially waiting for Bear to get his wheel chair since January.  That's 6 months of sitting around and waiting.    It got to the point where things weren't the best.  It became difficult to do things or go places.  Without adequate equipment for Bear. 

Bear's stroller has taken a beating for 3 years. It has been the way he gets around outside of the house, but, it's been on the fast track to stroller death for the last 3-4 months. The seat no longer stays up and he's not a fan of laying down on the go.

Going to restaurants has been difficult due to Bear's size. He's getting too big for high chairs yet can't sit in a booster or a regular chair without falling out of it. 

So yea, it's just been a depressing amount of time and I didn't feel like writing about my crappy crap... 

But.  Finally. This morning.  Bear's chair arrived!   I honestly don't think we've felt excitement like this since Christmas.

 To say that today is a good day is an understatement. I can't really express how happy this makes me or how much joy it fills me with, without ugly, snotty, crying......

So here are some pictures of Bear with his hot new ride!


Daddy, Bear moment.  
And of course, what kind of parents would we be if we didn't let him take his wheels for a reckless spin?   Check out that bunny hop over the garage curb!   Balls, I tell ya.   This kid is balls. to. the. damn. wall.

 Baby sister is pretty excited about Bear's new ride as well.  Even though he did almost run her down.

And a picture of mommy and Princess Diva Zo Momma.   She really takes her name seriously as you can surely see.

Today, is a good day, my friends.   I'm going to leave it at that.

 photo cooltext1292211702_zpsc9a335dc.png If you like what you just read please click to send a quick vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs- The best mommy blog directory featuring top mom bloggers Don't forget to check out our "Exceptionally Special" page and "Tot Spot" for tips, tricks, and tidbits for the kiddos.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

The 5 lies I told my pregnant self.

When I found out I was pregnant I was filled with a mixture of emotions.   I was scared, excited, and hangry, so pretty much normal.  

I was aglow with new motherhood and sweat.  I was a pregnant goddess, and I also knew that I was going to be a better mother than anyone else. 

My kids would be perfect cherubic, quiet angels and I would be Mariah Carey at the park in an evening gown. 

These all seemed  like completely acceptable and attainable quests to me in my deluded state of mind.  

However there are 5 LIES I told myself that still make me giggle, maniacally to this day.  Mostly because when I look around the life I live is so different than the life I imagined.  So I've decided to share my lies with you.  

Hopefully some of you can relate or at least get a good laugh out of the following list of lies I told myself while pregnant:

1.)  I would NEVER be the mom who lost her sense of style after popping my tiny humans out.

Pre kids....   I spent much of my entire teenage and adult life a slave to the newest fashions, even the painful ones.

After kids: 
HAHAHAHAHHA!     Nothing says fashion forward quite the way a silk screened vest on a t-shirt and flannel pants do.  This outfit only varies slightly for my day to day outings or when I'm forced to go to work dressed as a functioning  adult.  

2.) MY house will ALWAYS be cleaned and organized.  No adults need to be subjected to toys everywhere.  That is what a child's room is for! 

After kids:

The general consensus is that my house is always a mess.  Toys are ALWAYS present in and on every orifice.  Dolls are known to be found bathing in our toilets, laundry is always threatening to crush me, food crust creeps along the carpet and furniture, and we live by the general motto that you enter any room at your own risk. 

3.) MY kids will ALWAYS  be dressed for the day upon waking.  MY kids will NEVER be allowed to wear pajamas all day or worse, spend an entire day in their diapers!!  Ugh, how tacky!

After kids:
My kids, my real life kids, are seldom "dressed for the day" or out of their pajamas.  And my real life kids happen to love wearing nothing but their diapers.  And honestly, I could care less at this point.  Anything I can do to save even one load of laundry from needing me to do it is A-OKAY in my book!

4.) MY kids won't be allowed to watch television until after their second birthdays and even then they will watch no more than 30 minutes of television per day. 

After kids:
BAHAHAHHHA!!!!  Besides who else but Mr. Noodle from Sesame Street is going to teach my children the correct way to put on their sweaters? 
WHO ELSE!?!?!? ME?!?!?!? 
I'm too busy trying to take a shit without an audience. 
5.) MY kids will be potty trained at a super early age because they will be miniature geniuses.
After kids: 

Whether or not my real life actual kids are miniature geniuses or not is something yet to be seen, however, we will be in diapers until college if it is left up to me because, really, who the eff has time for this potty training nonsense?!?!?!?!

The only interest my children have in toilets is throwing non poop items in them or trying to stare between my legs to see what I'm doing......  

 photo cooltext1292211702_zpsc9a335dc.png If you like what you just read please click to send a quick vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs- The best mommy blog directory featuring top mom bloggers Don't forget to check out our "Exceptionally Special" page and "Tot Spot" for tips, tricks, and tidbits for the kiddos.

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Good golly Mrs. Molly!

Holy Hell! 

One post in a month!?  How did that happen?   ERMAHGERD!  Ducky!  Bish where you been!!?!??!? 

Apparently not here.

And you have an entire bottle of wine that you LET go bad!!?!!?!??!    


The short answer?  I have no time to myself.

The slightly longer answer, my kids.... They is crazy.  And no longer calm gelatinous goo that will stay wherever I drop it.   Kidding!  I don't drop my kids.  I just let them sort of slither from my grip, or writhe like the possessed until they take me to the floor with them. 

 And along those lines, while I'm at it I have something to say....

I sincerely think if I could go back in time before giving birth and get one wish that wish would be that someone would tell me the god damn truth about what it's really like having children. 

For example, totally acceptable answers would have included the following: 

-That my meals would consists of cold coffee and whatever cheerios I pull off their thighs and ass cheeks as they're scurrying from the table. After refusing to eat any of their food while gobbling all of mine!

-That diaper changes would rival maneuvering an Octopus into a pair of underwear.

-That diapers would last all of 4 + years with no end in sight. And you as a mother will eventually have to borrow a diaper for yourself especially when your children want you to jump. On anything.  For any reason.

-That asking them to stand still is equivalent to human torture and everyone in a 5 mile radius will know this by the fact that my children are screaming at the top of their lungs. 

-That you will never know the joy and satisfaction of being done with laundry.

-That  naps and bedtime are completely unnecessary and they do not give a SHIT if you've only been asleep for 1.5 hours.  3 A.M. IS THE PERFECT TIME TO PLAY!  WAKE UP MOM! 

-That children do not understand nor give a rats ass that their parents have to work. They are going to scream as though you are gone forever and they do not care that it makes your heart drop into your stomach. 

-That your house will be covered in textures and smells that only the bravest are willing to try to figure the origins of.

-That if you breastfeed, there will come a day when your child tries to run with your nipple clenched between their teeth. 

-That your child will attempt to use your shirt to pull themselves up in the middle of a very busy grocery store and expose your breasts to everyone around you.

-That at some point in your parenting career your children will shit, up to their necks.

-That if you have multiple children they will get a stomach virus which causes them to project bodily fluids out of every orifice, within hours of each other. 

-That even if you still like your spouse after having children it will be damn near impossible to find the time to have sex.  

-That you will forget the diaper bag at some point and you will be somewhere that has ZERO supply options.

-That they will at some point wipe something really gross and slimy across your face or stick it in your mouth.

-That you will look at your children every day and fall even deeper into love with them than you thought possible.

And lastly, that all the cold coffee, stale ass cheerios, poop explosions, tantrums, lack of sex, interrupted sleep, back talking, mess making, and trying times are so worth it. 


And there you have it.  The real reason I haven't posted in a month.  I hope you bishes liked it because this girl < ----------    Just renewed her domain for another entire year!  

Stay tuned!

P.s. If you like me, really, really like me click the TOP MOMMY BLOGS badge located at the top of my page and the bottom \/  to vote for me. The more love you send my way the more love I can send others. 

 photo cooltext1292211702_zpsc9a335dc.png If you like what you just read please click to send a quick vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs- The best mommy blog directory featuring top mom bloggers Don't forget to check out our "Exceptionally Special" page and "Tot Spot" for tips, tricks, and tidbits for the kiddos.