Ducky Diaries: Beautiful Momma

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Beautiful Momma

Often when I look in the mirror or at pictures I can pick out at least a dozen things that I dislike about myself.  Thanks to media and perfect body stereotypes it's too easy to see all my "imperfections".  
 
But last night as I laid with my son (who had just rolled out of bed in his sleep and was rightfully pissed) comforting him and telling him how much I love him and cooing all his nicknames into his ear while sweeping his hair to the side, he said something amazing.  
 
I cried softly at first, then I had the fat, ugly, tears and snot.....   Because, let's be honest, that's just how I do it.
 
He said "I luh you, bee-ul ma-ma". 
 
It may not make much sense to anyone else but I know what he said. I understood. 
 
"I love you, beautiful momma."
 
It's so easy to not be satisfied with myself. It's so easy to shy away from my husband because I just don't understand what he sees in me, physically.  It's just WAY too easy to be down on myself.
 
The one thing that's easier than all that, is seeing myself in my children's eyes...  They think I am beautiful.
 
The MOST beautiful.
 
Beautiful Momma.
 
I feel it when my son plays with my hair.
I see it when we dance around the house.
When his smile lights up a room when he sees me.
When he lays his head on my shoulder and kisses me good night.
When he listens and laughs during his bed time story. 
I am perfect to him. 
 
I am Beautiful Momma.
 
I see it when my daughter gets lost staring into my face and my eyes.
I feel it when no one else but me will do.
When she twirls my hair around her fingers.
When she smiles wide at the slightest funny noise I make.
I see it when she crawls at lightening speed to come get "Mama's Na-nas" before bed.
 
No one else will do.
I am the only "Ma-ma".
I am perfect in my imperfections.
 
I am Beautiful Momma.
 
My children don't see my double chin, they see my smile.
They don't care that I am lacking the "thigh gap" because I have the perfect 'sitting lap'.
 
They don't notice that some days my pants are a little snug. 
Or that my arms have extra jiggle. 
They look at my marked belly with amazement and think it's hilarious to tickle.
 
 They point to my belly button and then their own.  Smiling.  We are the same.  Them and Momma.  We match.
 
Momma is perfect.
 
"Bee-ul Ma-ma"
 
That's me.
 

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