Ducky Diaries: January 2014

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Biblioteca extincion

We are alive!   *reaches hand up through the 10 feet of snow on top of her*    

We are also stuck inside....  

The big people and littles alike are going a little crazy.  The big people, namely mommy just happen to be eating their feelings, while the littles, they are destroying ALL the things.  

Their biggest addiction currently is sending every book, magazine, and or important document they can get their tiny chubby hands on into extinction.   I shit you not.  I have had to give a proper trashcan burial to 9 books this past week alone!    These books, they are not cheap!!!   Oh, you would think cardboard children books would be, cheap... But they are not.  I mean they are not "Take a second mortgage out" expensive, but essentially each book my kids send to book heaven is about ten damn dollars out of my pocket!  

And if they aren't ripping books to shreds, they are ripping that really important paper in half, that you accidentally left on the floor or the arm of the sofa, while attempting a pee break.   That really important paper that you have to now tape back together and fill information out on it and mail it back with a note that reads "I apologize for the state of this document, my kids, they are heathens.". Except you end it with , "my children accidentally ripped the document in half".  But you reallllly mean, "My kids. They ARE heathens."

 Just last week, the object of their full fledged desire just happened to be a fresh out of the mail Parents magazine that I had YET TO READ!   A magazine that I have a particular fondness for reading!  They destroyed it while I was cooking them dinner!  DINNER!  I'm FEEDING you and yet you are destroying my things....  GAH!  

But, they were quiet while destroying my happiness, and quiet is always nice. So there's that.
And they looked adorable.  Each at their own end of the living room, pretending to read their ripped out pages.

I mean almost nothing is better than a cute, quiet, little. 

Someone pray for the books in my house.   I fear they may see extinction quicker than the African Black Rhino.      



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Tuesday, January 14, 2014

I'm too sexy for my blog

And other lies.......

That is the title of my new book, in case you were wondering. 

Ha!

Just kidding.  I wish I was too sexy for my blog.  The truth is way less glamorous.  I am too tired for my blog.  Le Sigh.  This truth makes me sad.   But it is still true, never the less.  Between the man, kids, work, household cleaning, laundry, and increments of 2 hours of sleep thanks to Zozo, I am pooped.   I have no time for myself, let alone time to pour my heart out here. Which I miss greatly.  This blog has kept me sane for 3 years and hopefully a lot longer. 

But in all seriousness, I have been so busy that my leg hair now passes as a socks and pants combo!
My armpit hair has been braided and beaded.  My eyebrows are my new bangs..... 

I'm only slightly joking. 

The Biggest news since I've gone back to work, is that D.I.C. is now a stay at home daddy and he is whooped as well..  The dynamic change to our lives has definitely taken some getting used to on both ends.  But we're figuring it out. Kinda, sorta, mostly....
It's not always easy, but we're making it work.  Even though D.I.C. says he feels like a servant to a tiny army that always needs something.

Welcome to my life, D.I.C. ..... 
It aint easy being meezy.  

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Friday, January 10, 2014

The 57 cent check

So about a year and a half ago we left our phone carrier after our contract was up.  We'll just say they rhyme with Fur Rising.  

So anyways, we decided to go with another carrier that was less expensive.....   

2 weeks ago Fur Rising sent us a refund check as they found we "Were overcharged for a service we didn't use"...  Huh?    Well, okay, let's open this bad boy up and see how much money mommy gets to use for shopping!!!! 

.57.......   cents......    

I thought surely I had misread something, somewhere, right?   Would they really send me a check for 57 cents???   It costs more to kill a tree and print the damn check than 57 cents! 
Nope, definitely a check. For 57. cents.  
Said check is still sitting on my kitchen counter.  I've looked at it every day for 14 days trying to figure out what to do with it?  Do I cash it?  Throw it away?  Put it into savings? Put it into our checking?   I have to d.r.i.v.e. to the bank for change.  2 quarters, a nickel, and 2 pennies......  

Finally today I have come up with some uses for my amazingly large lump sum of money. I thought I'd share them with you all.  So here goes:

- Buy a gumball
-Buy a banana
-Rent a 50 cent movie at the video store
-Use the check for tomorrows coffee filter
-Use it to wipe my butt
-Wipe the kids butts
-Blow my nose into it
-Bribe my son to clean his toys up
-Take it into the bank and get laughed at
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Sunday, January 5, 2014

Start the day with a bang....

Remember how my last post stated that Bear can now get out of his bed on his own???  Well, the back story is that he has been in a toddler bed since 14 months, but we purchased an extendable rail for the side to keep him from getting out on his own, and until recently it worked.  

Then one morning while I was in the shower I heard a loud thump..   D.i.c and I both went running from opposite ends of the house only to find Bear laying all kinds of haphazardly on the floor in front of the foot of his bed...  Which was about a 2.5 foot drop.   Nothing major but nothing we wanted him to keep doing since he landed on his head.   Poor boy doesn't need more problems on top of what's already going on.

So we had a talk with him about how he was such a big boy that he could climb out of bed we were taking down his rail.  It has worked beautifully. He was so excited.

  He slides out on his belly onto the floor (all of 7 inches from his mattress to the floor) and plays in his room quietly until he falls asleep and we put him back into his bed....  Rinse and Repeat, every night.  
Simple! Right??? Usually. 

Last night about 20 minutes after putting him down for the night we were downstairs watching t.v. when all of the sudden a THUD shook the ceiling.  I looked at D.i.c. and said "That wasn't a wall kick!!!"  And we both took off like bats out of hell..... 

Poor Bear had somehow managed to go face first out of bed (obviously the details are fuzzy.).  We don't know if he dove knowingly or somehow went the wrong direction???  He knows to go feet first, so I genuinely think he was sitting up and lost his balance. Which still happens a lot with the whole sitting thing....

My poor guy got his first official injury related bloody nose.  :(      It was full face contact with our carpeted floor.   It just sucks so bad because of his low muscle tone, he doesn't have the reflexes to put his hands out first to brake a fall.  So he really took the slam full force.  

I am so ill equipped for injuries of the little people kind.  I just acted a damn fool.  The wailing, the " my poor baby!!!" " Come to momma"....  In actuality, after 5 minutes he was fine, chewing the wash cloth used on his nose, and attempting to get into my breast pump bag.  I on the other hand was certain we needed to keep him up for at least 3 days. You know, because of the concussion and all.. that he didn't have.   Long story short, he's fine, I had a heart attack, life is going on like normal.....

But on a brighter note, I may have just spent our life savings on the cutest family/baby pictures ever!  And I may have just told my husband how much I spent and he may have just hit a bunch of numbers in my ear and struggled to be nice to me.  

That my friends is why it's definitely okay to share news over the phone. 

And in my defense once he sees how cute our babies look he'll understand.......   
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Wednesday, January 1, 2014

And we're back!

Hello party people!  I surely do hope your Christmas and New Years festivities were fabulous! 

We celebrated like any other couple with children would, which means we did a lot of staying home. 
Despite that we had a good ole' time at the Jackson casa.  

And I took all of a week long break from the ole' blogger sphere?  Can you believe in that time my Boo Bear mastered crab walking, army crawling, and getting out of his own bed? And Zozo started talking, army crawling, planking, sitting, and basically full on going where-ever the hell she wants...  Guess what her first word is?  Go ahead.... Guess!!!  

It's DADA!  Hail the baby Gods and all that is holy!  It's my husband that gets called upon day and night, rain or snow!  I cannot even explain the magnitude of LOL-ing I am doing over here! 

Hey SOB, remember all those fun jokes where you would ask Boo Bear who he wanted to change his shitty diaper, feed him messy stinky pureed baby foods, and who he wanted to hold him at any given time you wanted to play your video games????!?!?!????!!!   HAHAHAHHA YOUR TURN SUCKER! 

Yes! 

So anyways, now that I have two babies, going wherever their little hearts desire and doing whatever they want, leaving me to step on toys that surely turn into knives when they meet my heels, it's like a full on mobile baby poo-pocalypse  up in this biatch. ... Overnight like TA-MOTHER-FRICKEN-DA!   

And also .......
This.......

Someone done stole my kids name and made a horror movie....   Me thinks it's not too late to go to the name changing place?  Can you imagine? 

"Number 324?"  
"Um, yes, hey there, Susan? Yes, I need to procure a hasty name change for my sweet innocent non possessed child, due to this crazy ass looking movie I have just found to exist....."

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