Ducky Diaries: Black Friday Special: Debut de D.i.c.

Friday, November 29, 2013

Black Friday Special: Debut de D.i.c.

Recently, my husband D.i.c. said he wanted the chance to be my guest blogger. At first I was a little nervous. This blog is after all, one of my children, except instead of birthing it through my vajangle I birthed it through my mind.....  Deep, right? 

Anyways, I decided to let him have a whack at it and I'll be honest, the end result left me spitting out my Pepsi. It's hilarious!   So without further ado, here's the hubby's take on our sex life pre and post  babies.  Enjoy.

Debut de D.I.C

Topic: Pre/post sex life

            Before we had children, sex was all we knew. It was common to ask “baby, how do you like your steak, with or without sex” or “hey do you wanna go back to my place for pizza and sex, what you don’t like pizza?” But eventually I grew on her.

            After Bear and the wedding I started calling my wife “Little Caesars” because she was always hot and ready. Since Zozo, the only pick-up lines you hear in our home are “Soooooo, I did the dishes tonight” or “D.I.C, turn your damn video game off and come storm my trenches”. What happened?

            I’ll tell you what happened; Trojan let us down faster than dead beat husband. Sex was just as good with no children as it was with one. Now all the time for D.I.C is divided amongst two sets of dirty diapers, feedings and preventing Bear from stomping Zozo’s head. If I’ve learned anything from my six month old daughter it’s shitting your pants and screaming for what you want gets you way further with Mother Ducky than simple, rational conversation.

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