Ducky Diaries: November 2013

Friday, November 29, 2013

Black Friday Special: Debut de D.i.c.

Recently, my husband D.i.c. said he wanted the chance to be my guest blogger. At first I was a little nervous. This blog is after all, one of my children, except instead of birthing it through my vajangle I birthed it through my mind.....  Deep, right? 

Anyways, I decided to let him have a whack at it and I'll be honest, the end result left me spitting out my Pepsi. It's hilarious!   So without further ado, here's the hubby's take on our sex life pre and post  babies.  Enjoy.

Debut de D.I.C

Topic: Pre/post sex life

            Before we had children, sex was all we knew. It was common to ask “baby, how do you like your steak, with or without sex” or “hey do you wanna go back to my place for pizza and sex, what you don’t like pizza?” But eventually I grew on her.

            After Bear and the wedding I started calling my wife “Little Caesars” because she was always hot and ready. Since Zozo, the only pick-up lines you hear in our home are “Soooooo, I did the dishes tonight” or “D.I.C, turn your damn video game off and come storm my trenches”. What happened?

            I’ll tell you what happened; Trojan let us down faster than dead beat husband. Sex was just as good with no children as it was with one. Now all the time for D.I.C is divided amongst two sets of dirty diapers, feedings and preventing Bear from stomping Zozo’s head. If I’ve learned anything from my six month old daughter it’s shitting your pants and screaming for what you want gets you way further with Mother Ducky than simple, rational conversation.

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Monday, November 25, 2013

True Stories, for the shit you really can't make up

You know those moments that your toddler does something in public that makes you freeze, like a deer in headlights?  Those moments that you are completely unprepared to deal with. 

Yea.  We had two of those yesterday, in the span of 10 minutes.  

The day started off innocently enough, though.  We had the pleasure of attending Bear's dear friends Baptism and  surprisingly my children were angels through the entire experience.  Which is shocking, but also awesome.   Anyways, back to the story.

After the service we were then invited out to lunch with the family, a very large family.  So we all headed to the really nice restaurant with the little store inside of it and the rocking chairs out on the patio, that has the little peg games that tell you that you are an ignor-ramus..... with the really yummy home made food stuffs. Yea, you know where I'm talking about..... 

As we're all waiting with our very large group waiting, waiting, waiting, for an area for us all to be seated a stranger happens walks past us.  Then stops.  Just full on dead stops.  I'm standing there trying to figure out why she's just made a dead stop right between D.i.c. and myself.  I mean, c'mon, a little awkward, am-I-rite?!  I felt myself getting irritated.  Like, literally is there NO WHERE else she can stand except for on MUH TOES!?

But then, I see it.  Oh boy do I see it... She, the stranger is visibly pissed!  And there, in my handsome husbands arms is Bear, with his hand outstretched and in a perfect little fist.  And in that fist, happens to be this womans pony tail.   Yee Haw ya'll!!!

OMYGAWD! I just died.  

D.i.c. has to hold Bears hand while I pry this womans hair out of his grasp!  What do you do in this situation?! I don't know! So I just start apologizing profusely.  Still trying to get Bear to let go, which he thinks is hysterical, which is causing me to giggle as well.  I'm an asshole.  The stranger was NOT amused at all.  But we did get her freed and she went on her way, minus a few strands of hair that were stuck around my child's tiny fingers. 

My bad. 

So we scolded him and explained why you can't pull peoples hair.... It's bad, it's not nice...  People don't like their hair pulled... Yada yada yada....

Then another woman walked by and Bear went in for the kill!   Her hair was on the shorter side, thank goodness, so it wasn't all, dog getting choked by his leash type of motion as with the other stranger.  And this one laughed.  Thank God. Because. I. was. mortified. 

The end.

"Dude, don't you know you're supposed to save the ornery-ness for non Sunday festivities?"

P.s. If you haven't yet, check out our 'Exceptionally Special' page (you can find it in our menu) for this months suggestions.

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If you like what you just read please click to send a quick vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs- The best mommy blog directory featuring top mom bloggers

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Balls to the Walls

I remember when I first started this blog, back when I had only one kid.  Back when Bear was small, and still, and finally, finally, done being colicky. When Zo-zo hadn't even been thought of yet.
  And back when I had like a million + 5 hours a day to write as many blog posts as I wanted to.  

Now I have two, two wriggly, loud, busy kids.  And minus a million + 5 hours a day to do anything, let alone write.   I'm tired ya'll.  Like bone tired.   My kids are balls to the walls. Every. Damn. Day.

I just want one solitary minute to poop alone.  Or just one solitary minute a day would be nice.
But I digress, I'm not going to drop off the blog world ledge or anything, I'm just moaning and groaning.   Can I get an AMEN?! 

AMEN! Preach it sistah!   Yes! 

I will preach it!


Constantly getting into stuff, throwing their foods, playing in their food, pooping on themselves and on me! Puking on me, laughing at me, taking things from me, ripping my hair out, ripping other peoples hair out, falling down, falling over things, getting mad at the THINGS, throwing tantrums,  crying, crying, crying, whining......   More whining and ripping up my Parents magazines!

How the EFF am I supposed to be an effective parent when they are ripping up my Parents magazines!?

Sigh.    Thank God they are absolutely stinking ADORBZ!  They really are cute.   But man, I wish kids came with little volume control buttons and we, the parents, were given the remotes upon birth, fostering, adoption,   arrival.

But anyways, I remember when I started this blog.
And I'm glad I did.  I'm glad I can share my happy days, tired days, kid crazy days. I'm just really glad I can share here.

 Not my kids ^^^
But it is tempting...
P.s. If you haven't checked it out yet, don't forget to check out 'Exceptionally Special' for this months review for your sensory child.

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If you like what you just read please click to send a quick vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs- The best mommy blog directory featuring top mom bloggers

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

The littles you might have missed

So if you never checked out our website (that's what I'll be calling it forever, until the sting of the whole situation goes away. It won't.) you've probably missed some things.  Like what we did for the whole four months we weren't here. 

I know it's depressing.

But it's okay because..... I'VE GOT PICTUREZZZZZZ..... OHMAGAHD!!! SO MANY!!!!  

So yea, this post is all about the cuteness. Sit back and scroll through the sweetness that is baby angels shrieking screaming singing.   Here's some of our October.

 photo cooltext1292211702_zpsc9a335dc.png If you like what you just read please click to send a quick vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs- The best mommy blog directory featuring top mom bloggers

Monday, November 18, 2013

So hey guys, remember when my kids effed shiz up?!

So yea....

I haven't been here in oh about 4 months because I got all fancy and bought a domain and had like an actual website that I owned and shiz....

But then during a little thing I like to call adding Google Analytics, I left my laptop unattended for maybe 5 minutes while I peed and came back to the biggest blankest most non existing web site I have ever seen.  Turns out that my two year old decided to have a grand ole' time copying and pasting some codes for me. 

Which was really nice of him and all, except for the part that he basically flushed $70.00 and an entire years worth of web hosting down the drain by causing the great world wide webs to assume my site was spam and just up and delete the whole damn thing!  So I'm back.  On the ole' blogger.  Which thank the heavens I'm a hoarder and kept this site up and running!!!

OMG! Could you imagine if I hadn't.  I would have thrown in the towel, I honestly would have.  Just never would have blogged again.  But I did, keep this site, so yay!  Yay for hoarding!!!

However, this site has just been stagnant while the last 4 months have passed us by, so I'll be posting some pictures and what not to get all of you caught up with us, in case you weren't over at our new spot.  The spot that is currently non-existent. 

I don't think I've told Blogger how much I love it (it? them? her? him?) thank you for being here for me, blogger. Thank you for not being a huge open format that my two year old can destroy in an instant. Thank you, for basically being completely fool proof.   I heart you.

So yea. 
My family is hungry and grumpy and I basically promised to make them home-made pizza for dinner so I think I'm going to go do that.  And drink. Wine. Since my  website is pretty much gone forever.


Saturday, November 16, 2013

Thank God for keeping back up blogs.....

Today I am so very thankful that I never deleted this blog..... is currently down thanks to my two year old attempting to help with the new codes.  And thanks to my husband accidentally throwing away the paper I keep my passwords on.

So we'll just be posting here until I can figure out how to rescue the diaries from the corn maze of IT-illiteracy.