Ducky Diaries: 1st vs. 2nd

Saturday, July 6, 2013

1st vs. 2nd


Any parent can tell you that there are distinct differences involved in the newborn/infant stage of childrearing.  

I'd like to shed some light on this topic. 

So without further ado,

First child versus Second child. 

  • 1 is your pride and joy, you take 50 shots of the same pose because "He's my baby!!!!". 

  • 1 always has a dry diaper because you want to make sure that has nothing to do with his crying.

  • 1 stays up for hours on end in the evening because you wake him up to change said diaper 5 more times.....

  • 1 is always spotless and clean because you keep wipes stashed everywhere....Literally.

  • 1 is usually dressed in the cutest clothes you can buy or have been given.

  • You buy a baby book and record every precious moment.

  • You think you'll never leave the house without spit up on your shirt ever again.

  • You go days without showering because you can't stand to hear him cry.

  • You lose weight pretty quickly because you never have time to eat.

  • Your house is stocked with hand sanitizer that you command everyone who enters to use before they so much as look at your baby.

  • You cut your hair short because it's so much easier to deal with after a new baby.

  • You vow to never wear a bikini again if you got stretch marks.

  • You always have sex with the lights off for fear of your spouse seeing said stretch marks, or your jiggle belly.
  • 2 is lucky if you have time to grab the camera to capture her first smile because 1 is doing something he shouldn't.

  • 2 gets changed every few pees because you now realize how expensive diapers really are.

  • When 2 falls asleep for the night there is no way you're going to wake her. Nothing short of an actual pooplosion is deemed a necessary changing.

  • 2 usually smells of milk and has something you dropped in her hair from lunch. Or something your toddler smeared in her hair from lunch.

  • 2 is usually dressed in her brothers hand me downs.

  • What baby book?  You write milestones on a calendar and then toss them in a drawer swearing to start a baby book. You can always just give her the whole calendar, someday.

  • When you leave the house with minimal spit up on your shirt, you feel as though you're dressed for the Oscars.

  • You put 1 and 2 in the shower with you and call it bonding time.  If no one falls and gets at least one limb soaped up you count it as a win.

  • You eat......   1's leftovers while baby wearing 2.

  • Hand Sanitizer?  Aint nobody got time for that! 

  • You keep your hair long because it's way easier to throw it in a pony tail and go.

  • Your brave enough to wear a two piece to the beach.  It consists of a one piece and a sarong.

  • You still have sex with the lights off, but not because you're insecure, it's out of fear. Children can sense when you're trying to accomplish 'The Sex" even when they've been asleep for hours.... TRUST ME.  Your best bet is to shut all the lights off and crawl underneath a bunch of blankets on the floor, in a corner.  If you're lucky they'll think your a pile of laundry and go back to bed. 

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