Ducky Diaries: May 2013

Friday, May 17, 2013

Baby, Baby

Get out. 

Seriously.

Alrighty, so I am 39.5 weeks at this point and just ever so patiently awaiting our newest little ones arrival.  Ever.SO.patiently.  (insert eye roll)

My feet are no longer feet. They resemble something equivalent to a snow shoe.  
Yea, that's my feets. 
 
I can no longer see anything below the top of my belly.  Even my stretched out belly button is a mystery to me.  Stairs now require a slow and steady, cling to the railing and walls approach so as not to topple to the bottom and become the next humpty dumpty.  
 
Sadly I do not make enough money to employ all the kings horses or all the kings men to put me back together again.  
 
I want to nest, badly, but I also want to sit, on my arse, and the latter is winning.  
 
At this point along with being physically done with the act of being a pregnant person, my anxiety is in full force.  My hormones are beyond crazy, literally.  If you went on a date with them, you'd never call again, unless you're into crazy.   
 
One second I'm all "OMG!!!  SHE'S COMING SOON!!!  WE'RE HAVING A BAYBAY!!!"
The next......
 
"OMG!!!!  SHE'S COMING SOON!!!!  I'LL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN!!!  MUST KEEP MUH LEGS CLOSED TIGHTLY!!!!!!!  
 
Yea, pretty much. 
And then there's this guy.....
 
I've grown quite attached to him in the last 2 years.   I'm getting a little, okay, a lot, upset about leaving him for the first time since he came ripping out of me.  I'm pretty sure he's still attached by one of the stitch strings hanging from my vagina  .... because I just had him ... I swear.....   At least it feels that way, and now we're having another.....   OMG!!!  OMG!!!! 
 
  He's never been away from the hubs and I for more than a few hours at a time.  WAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!   I don't want to LEAVE muh baby! And all that other rational stuff.   
 
I even freak myself out wondering if I will stop my labor by freaking out over being away from him. 
 
Oh Lordy!  As pro natural birth as I am, I may just need the drugs this time.  
 
BREATHE CANDACE! 
 
So, in case you all were wondering, that's about where I am at.  Mentally. Scary. 
 
 
Hopefully the next time I write, the wee babe will be here and I can be done freaking out and shiz. 
 
K.... byes. 

Thursday, May 9, 2013

All I need is me

The last couple of days have been interesting to say the least...

I am officially to the point where getting up from any position other than standing looks as though I am a freshly born foal (baby horse) learning to walk.  Except, I am a much bigger, rounder version and no where near as cute.  

So basically, I'm a big huge-o, that has to sway, roll, and grunt my way off the couch. 

My poor husband tries to help, but, I've pulled him over more than a few times, and that is way more embarrassing than me rolling, swaying, and grunting.  

I am now in size "Moo moo" .   I am currently wearing a moo moo.   Literally I will most likely use it as a tent this summer when we go camping.  

And my all time low...  I got stuck on the floor of Wal-Mart yesterday.   Yes, yes I truly did. 

We went swing shopping, for the baby.    We found one we were interested in but all they had was the display version so Tom went to look for an employee to see if there were any in the back.  That left Zachary and I on our own.  

As we're perusing, I notice a swing down WAYYYYYY low that was marked $49.99, so I decided to ease myself down into a crouching position to get a better look.   

And that's when it happened.  The inevitable.  The embarrassing inevitable.

I. GOT. STUCK.

There was no getting up. 

No Tom, no store employees, no one! 

So,

I'm trying to use the cart handle as leverage and it's NOT working, I'm actually starting to tip the cart...  Then I try just grunting and pushing up.    I swear I thought my water was going to break.  But it didn't (sad face). 

Then Zachary leans over the seat and starts entwining his hands in my hair, and pulling all while softly saying "Mom, momma, ma, mommmmm, Ow, Mom, Ow, Momma, Ow." ... 

Yes, DAMMIT!  MOMMA OW!  STOP PULLING MUH HAIR!!!!!!  

Finally I managed to yank gently remove his hands from my hair, grab the shelf and the cart, and pull myself up enough to stand...   At that point Tom comes strolling around the corner.  So I acted like anyone would,

I pretended nothing happened.  AT.ALL.

We decided to buy an entirely different swing.  

It's cool.  No hard feelings. 


I accept my current roll (hahaha pun intended) in life.... 






Monday, May 6, 2013

So, I was gonna .....

Write a Blog post all about my conversation with my belly... 

Me (looking at/ poking belly) :   "Why you no wanna come out yet baby??????"   

And that's as far as I got before getting sucked into looking at pictures on the interwebs, otherwise known as 'Hey ADD!' .  

At first......  


I was all like "OMG!  Steve Carell, John Stewart, Stephen Colbert! JACK POT! LOVE THEM!!!".... 

And then I was all 
"BAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!"  

But then, 

"DAFUQ IS THIS?!???!!?!!?!?"  
 
And then I was all 
 
"Word....."  
 
"That's a true story."  
 
And the next thing I knew, an hour of my sons nap time had passed.  
Happy 38 weeks folks!