Ducky Diaries: March 2013

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

The bloody truth

So here I am at midnight, writing.... 

It seems like the most logical thing to be doing since I now enjoy the 3rd trimester tango with insomnia. 

Plus I just watched a very, Very, VERY, disturbing episode of "My Strange Addiction" on TLC and am feeling both disgusted and incredibly creeped out.      I'm still shaking slightly from the mind trip and nauseas. 

You can check it out for yourself here  ------- >  I want to suck your blood 

Anyways, so as I'm awake, whatever the reason, I kind of wanted to vent a wee bit about something I heard from another pregnant person recently. 

This person told me that her husband doesn't witness the births of their children, per choice, because he thinks it will ruin his sexual desire for his wife. 


And she's okay with him just chilling in the waiting room or at home until everything is all sewn back up and the wee babe is swaddled and cleaned.   


If you are like me, or most women and have given birth, and your significant other just decided he didn't want to come, you'd be livid, I assume...  However, I do understand there are other circumstances why some fathers may not be present, and even in the event that hey, the poor guy would pass out cold from horror,  we as women will make exceptions. .  

However, excuse me if I am wrong, but I did NOT do this to myself or all by myself!!!  And I happen to think that watching the birth of a child is one of those dues a man should pay to his spouse for a million different reasons. 

For a husband to just skip out as to not lose his sexual view of his wife is a weird one for me. 

 I can't get over this mans view and I keep asking myself , "Is he serious?!". 

I even had to ask my husband if he viewed me as less desirable after witnessing the birth of our 21 month old son son...

His words, "I cried as I professed my love for you and our brand new child, how can it get more passionate than that!?"......

Well put husband, well put.    

And then he assured me that the fact that he has only ever turned me down when he was truly sick less than a handful of times should be the proof that backs all this up.    I married a keeper, I am so aware of this.

Then he said that it sounds like "This guy thinks too much"  meaning the other husband.

However, all of this got me to thinking how can we as mothers, and fathers, and a community teach our boys how to view their counterparts as more than sexual objects. 

Don't get me wrong, sex is fantastic. And being viewed as sexy has it's perks, but my husband also views me as intelligent, funny, opinionated, the mother of his most prized accomplishments, hails  my breasts for the fact that they are sexual as well as a thriving food source for his infants.  And that my lady bits, are awesome, and have brought forth life.  LIFE to another HUMAN! 

So how do we instill all of those things? 

As a mother to a son, I wonder what I can do to ensure those values.  

Sex is good, but, women are not just for sex. 

It's tough.  So tough.  Everything in our culture and media scream out that we are nothing more than objects for pleasure, and that my friends saddens me. 

To think that a man willingly misses out on perhaps one of the most meaningful moments he can share with another person in life, just to preserve his sexual mindset, is so strange to me. 

Maybe I am just reading too far into the whole situation, but, maybe I'm not. 

Call me crazy, but I think my husband will remember and value witnessing this

far longer than the sexy lingerie I wore on our wedding night.    

Friday, March 15, 2013

Say What?!

I don't even know....  Seriously.  

I can't form or hold on to an intelligent thought for longer than 2.5 seconds...  I can't sleep through the night on my bed anymore....

It's been roughly two weeks since I've posted anything. 

My shoes no longer fit, along with most of my clothes...

I'm blaming the time change.  

Or pregnancy.

Anyways, since I haven't written in a while, I'm just going to mash a bunch of crap together and call it a blog post.   Plus, as I stated above, I can't hold on to any thoughts outside of baby for longer than a few seconds, so, I'm just going to run with it...    

Wednesday, we (Tom and I) had a genius idea....  It went a little something like this,   "Let's play hooky from everything like the responsible adults that we are and go out of town tomorrow!!!"...

So, we did and it was fantasmical!     We traveled roughly an hour away to the nearest big city, rented a very swanky room in a very swanky hotel with a very nice view, quite a ways up.  And we took the baby, well, the toddler, the baby had to come against her will since she is still all cozy, partying it up in my womb with her ass pressed against my belly button. 

It was great, we walked around the city, did a little shopping, a lot of eating, retired back to our hotel and went swimming in the heated pool, and I watched and drooled as Tom hung out in the hot tub... 

He only spent 5 minutes in there so I wouldn't get 'too jealous' but I was jealous. Oh so jealous.

Surprisingly Zachary did AMAZE-A-BALLS the whole trip!  He even took a 15 minute power nap and was right back up ready to go.   He really wowed me.  I was initially scared that taking him out of his element could turn out really bad, but, he loved it all, the sights, sounds, food..

It was definitely a much needed day off from every day life. 

 Why yes, I will take the whole Mint Chocolate cake!!!! 
The face he's making, that's his nice way of handling my fat ass sitting on his lap.  He's a champ. 
Houdini can and will remove his socks whenever he pleases even while confined in his walker.  I still haven't figured out how he does it.  But it was a good sign he felt comfortable in our hotel room...
 His smile made our trip oh so worth it..  Every long minute he was awake.... 
 And seriously, go ahead and die from the cuteness.  MINIATURE GUMMY BEARS!  That's a normal gummy bear and a Runts banana for size comparison. Go ahead, squeal with delight!  I already ate all of them so I can't share.  

 Selfie in muh bathroom mirror before we left.  Almost 31 weeks.  Are you KIDDING me!!!??? 

If I wasn't too tired to rotate the picture I took the same night at the hotel, I would, just to show you that I seriously think this child has dropped already...   I look HUGE not even 20 hours later.  Nah, I'll post it next week. 

Friday, March 1, 2013

A little bit different.

Good day everyone!  Long time no see. 

I unintentionally took a small break from the blog world.   Taking care of a toddler, losing the ability to see my toes and sleep through the night is taking it's toll.  However, I am still here, alive, and barely kicking, because, I can't lift my legs that high anymore.   Yay pregnancy!!!  

Recently it was brought to my attention that for having a 'special needs' blog, I don't write a lot about "special needs".  And that is a very valid and true point, but I don't have a 'special needs' blog.  I have a blog and happen to have a special needs son.   Sometimes, I write about our adventures as a family navigating this sometimes hectic and crazy world of the unknown.  Most of the time, I just babble because it's what I do.  

Our life is just a little bit different than yours.  And our son may be just a little bit different than yours...  Or maybe he's the same or similar.   If you're coming here for answers, I don't have any for you.  That's the sad, yet freeing truth.  

I wish my family could be your hope, and while I seem to think my family is pretty awesome, we aren't one of those magical families whose special child just stands up healed and runs a marathon....

  Having a child with special needs is often an insanely unpredictable winding path through uncertainty.  You make the choice to get out of bed every morning and accept whatever happens. Some days are hard, some are easy. Sometimes you want to give up, sometimes you want to fight.  

The truth is that if I were to write solely based on our day to day life, you would see a very happy child with a strict schedule, because deviating from that schedule could throw our entire day into peril.  My son has Sensory Processing Disorder (.understanding SPD ).   He likes things just so, his atmosphere, the people he knows, his bed, his pajamas, his socks, his food, nap time, bath time, bed time..  We have routines for everything. 

Sometimes things are too loud, sometimes they are not loud enough, sometimes they are too hot, or too cold, sometimes he can be gentle, but not often because he needs to be rough to 'feel' things... Sometimes he touches things he doesn't like and he throws up. When he stands, it's always on his toes, because he cannot handle how things feel on his soles.       

 This is my son when he is in a situation where he's not comfortable.  Hands tightly clenched into fists to keep from touching something unpleasant, that his little nervous system can't handle, smile reserved, almost scared look in his eyes, all while trying to be brave.... 
This is my son in his own familiar setting, hands relaxed, huge smile, relaxed, safe....   This is SPD.

My son also has Hypotonia (learn more about our ragdolls) he has just recently mastered rolling 360s around our living room and slowly moving around in his infant walker.   He's 20 months old.  He still can't sit on his own bottom for longer than 2-3 minutes without toppling, still can't crawl, cruise, or walk... His body doesn't work the way it should even though his mind tells him that he wants to move, which he so desperately does.   

But, he's happy.  So very happy.  And everyone who meets him will tell you they have never seen a happier baby. 

He's our happy quirky boy and we decided a few months ago to post pone our search for 'what's wrong' and just let him be him.  It's working out quite well.  So far. 

He has therapists that come to our house and I have days where I feel like my doors are revolving.  Therapy isn't fun but it's necessary.  Some days I wish we didn't have to do any of this, but we do.

Some days I wish words like "Occupational therapy, speech/language therapy, physical therapy, cognitive delays, gross motor delays,  hypotonia, floppy baby, stabilizing, wing bo, side sitting, braces, compression vest, brushing, compression hold, oral sensory, overstimulated, understimulated and stuffing" weren't part of our vocabulary... 

Or that sentences like this were funny "His batteries are dying in his vibrating toothbrush, they need replaced so we can wake his mouth up."   "He can't feel his food, that's why his fingers are in his mouth."   "He screams after he goes number 2 because having a dirty diaper upsets him." ...

There is so much more, there really is but I digress because I am too lazy to keep typing. And if I can say one thing to other parents of special needs children it's this, if you're looking to blogs to give you hope, don't.   Read them, enjoy them, feel a sense of relief that our lives don't have to be doom and gloom, and yes have the hope, that "hey, that's what my child has and look how awesome they are doing."   but don't drown yourself in them.      

Let your child be themselves and let yourself breathe.