Ducky Diaries: I don't wanna........

Monday, August 13, 2012

I don't wanna........



   

                                                in·sig·nif·i·cant/ˌinsigˈnifikənt/

 
  Adjective:
  1. Too small or unimportant to be worth consideration.
  2. (of a person) Without power or influence.
Synonyms:trifling - trivial - negligible - unimportant - petty

                                                    Hello, my name is Candace....  And sometimes, the above definition explains fully how I feel.    Sometimes it's a positive thing.   Sometimes a negative.  

      Some days,  life is hard.  Some days it's not.  Some days are beautiful.  Some days are ugly.  


*I don't talk about my faith often, because, in my opinion, it's mine, that doesn't mean it's yours.* 
 

However,  lately, at times, I wonder,  why.    A lot of "why".   "Why, Why, Why?"  "What did I do?"  "What do I do?"  "What should I do?"  "God, what do you want me to do?"  

Sometimes I feel lost.  Sometimes I feel angry.  Sometimes, I want to slap a b!tch.....  As in the Dr.s   and the physical therapists, and the E.I. specialists, and the geneticists,   not really, I don't really want to slap them.... Okay, no, sometimes I do. .....    If we're telling the truth here, I want to slap someone in the medical field about once a week.... I'm just being honest.  

Why?......   Because, I don't want to do more testing...  I don't want to watch Zachary get poked, prodded, put to sleep against his will through drugs....   I don't want to watch him suffer anymore.  I really don't.   But sadly, that time has come...  And I want to run, kicking and screaming, far away and take my baby with me.   

Why do we feel the need to dissect and study the ones that are different?   To find what makes them unique?   The Dr.s have found a puzzle in my son and they want to look at him through every microscope....   I, on the other hand, want to break their microscopes.     Sadly I can't.  And it is the end of the summer and the deal was,  take the summer off and then resume testing.    

Blah.   So, tonight, beer will be my friend and tomorrow I will make the appointments....   

Here's some sad and uplifting music for you.   Anybody know why Fiona Apple is so depressed????   




2 comments:

Mommyto2preciouslittlegirls said...

You are such an amazing and strong momma!! I love ya, girlfriend. I wanna slap a bitch for you, too.

Candace said...

LoL Thank you momma! You are amazing!!!

We can slap some biatches together!!!!

:D