Ducky Diaries: The end of a "quiet" era. The "Almost Toddler".

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

The end of a "quiet" era. The "Almost Toddler".

        I would like to take this time to bypass my usual talk of my sons ongoing medical issues and discuss, well, ordinary everyday life.  Why because, it's my blog, and I am currently grinding it out at my computer listening to Jessie J "Do it like a dude" (HEY, DON'T YOU JUDGE ME, I WILL CUT YOU!) because I am a gangster.    Yes, yes I am.  

        Anyways,  the one thing they told us in the hospitals, is that, babies cry, a lot.  Then they proceeded to force us to watch the horrible 'Don't shake the baby' videos that made us cry, then made our significant others fast forward through the dvd, because, HEY YOU WILL NOT MAKE MY OVERLY EMOTIONAL FIANCE' CRY AFTER SHE JUST HAD A HUMAN CRAWL OUT OF HER ONCE PRETTY VAGINA!.   However they didn't tell us that, the crying would subside and you would have an era where peace reigned supreme. Well, some of us would, at least.  And all would work, and schedules would be created and followed and you would revel in this new creation you have worked so hard to bring forth.

          But what they didn't tell us, those ever so helpful nurses and Dr.s, was that the era of peace would end and so forth would come a force to be reckoned with, otherwise known as the "Almost Toddler" .  The all capable mighty non-talking, but talks all the time, "I can do it myself except for when I can't do it myself and WHY AREN'T YOU DOING THIS FOR ME RIGHT NOW!!!!!????????  "Almost Toddler".

          Oh, these mighty little beasts are a true force of nature that can halt the most hard hearted individual with a bat of their adorable saucer shaped eyes and drop a mother to their knees in one scream of pain, excitement, or because they realize they can now scream whenever and for whatever reason and get a reaction.   And..... The laundry!  Why didn't they tell us about the LAUNDRY!!!????   Because now that the spit up stage is over, what we're left with is a massive mess with glops of food stuffs and puffs smashed to their bottoms and sweet potato in their hair, and yogurt under their shirts (HOW DID YOU GET THAT THERE, ZACHARY!?)   Add to this the POOPLOSIONS!  Because now, they can MOVE, and smoosh, and jump, and 'giggle giggle squish' it out of every possible clothing orifice.   UGH! POOOO!    The cute little "P.U. You Tinky"  has turned to actual gagging and vomiting noises that have in fact, scared my son.   Oi Vey!

          And......  The dishes!   The sippy's and bottles and baby utensils, and miniture plates and high chair trays!    Because, you know, he's a big boy now and big boys, apparently just chew and play with their bottles until you put the contents in a sippy and then they just throw that around until some unknown juice medley is on your wonderful new pretty carpet!  And then you put it back into a bottle only for them to resume squeezing the bottle nipple and squirting juice in their hair, until you take the bottle and then....... they scream, as though, you know, ZOMG! YOU'RE STARVING THAT POOR BABY!!!!  Jebus!

            So, until tomorrow, you win "Almost Toddler".  I will go drink now, and let your reign of tyranny continue, but tomorrow, sweet tomorrow, after I sleep, I'm in charge.


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